Friday, 28 October 2011

Sheer, terrifying interrogation, part one


    • Mr Smith:

      Do you like the Pogues?
      Greatest fear?
      Favourite book?
      Worst habit?
      Party trick?
      Five little penises in place of your fingers or one big penis in place of your arm?
      Best decade for music?
      What did you want to be when you were younger?
      What is your favourite food?
      Views on spirituality?
      Heroes?
      Have you seen Animal House?
      What is your earliest memory?
      Read any newspapers?
      Favourite joke?
      First love?
      Biggest regret?
      Puffy or ODB?
      Best Scorsese film?
      Why are we here?


  • Myself:

    • Re: Pogues. Not especially. Entertainment value runs fairly dry after years of family meals with my banal as fuck uncle raving about that night he spent with them as a youth...

      Re: Fear. Drowning in dirty water. Spiders. EARWIGS. Semen. People touching inside my belly button, especially in a sexual way.

      Re: favourite book. How the dead live by Will Self. or Lunar Park by Bret Easton Ellis. Or perhaps just The little matchstick girl, that beautiful childrens book. infact, no. it's dogger by shirley hughes.

      Re: Worst Habit. Many, no doubt. Smoking, biting my lip, grinding my teeth at night, eating more than I need to, picking at my cuticles, flicking my hair, chewing gum, pedanticism, listing, etc, etc,

      Re: Party Trick. The boat-hook trick that I mastered years ago on a yachting holiday. It's where you hold a long wooden pole out infront with both hands gripping it faced down, you then have to move it under your legs, round behind your back and over your head without taking your hands off in anyway, and contort your body around it, your palms would be facing upwards if you've succeeded. Also, I have fucking mental looking lego man hands due to double joints when i bend them a certain way.
      and I fucking ROCK at the cornflake box game.

      Re: Penises. One big one. and I'd come all over people when they pissed me off.

      Re: Best decade. Not entirely sure. Eighties most likely. how predictable.

      Re: childhood ambitions. A lawyer, an artist, a writer, a journalist, a super model, a spice girl, a politician and a pizza express waitress.

      Re: Favourite food. bolognaise with rice, or the aubergine curry i made lastweek with rice, peas, greek yohurt and lime pickle. or perhaps just iced gems.

      Re: Spirituality. I am uncertain. I have a soul, as do we all. I just don't know how much it's worth. I believe our souls are only the weight of a grave stone. and that we are really just highly complex, lucky and extraordinary bacteria. however, i like the idea of reincarnation. and How The Dead Live by Will Self changed my views on life entirely.

      Re: Heroes. Lykke Li. Freja Beha Erikkson, My mother, My sister, My aunt fiona, My late uncle adam, Sophie Coker, Donna Tart, Bret Easton Ellis, Sara Wood, Anna Hartnell (both american studies tutors), My father, My late grandmother, and ofcourse, fearne cotton (LIES, I SWEAR)

      Re: Animal House. Uhhhhm unless it was that kids programme that ripped off where the wild things are then no. Why? What is it?

      Re; Earliest memory. Breaking my nose at three years old on my family's red and navy flag stone kitchen floor, my dad didn't even notice it was something a lot more severe than a nosebleed, so my mother arrived home to flip out. so "mummy, daddy, please don't fight?" is pretty much my earliest recollection of life.

      Re: newspapers. Independent, guardian arts, life, style and music. sometime the times for fashion ALONE, and a lot of weird online papers that no one else seems to read..

      Re: Joke. What's brown and sticky?

      Re: first love. Mr Chamberlain, my nursery teacher. he used to tell us stories with his guitar, and make us ribena that was too strong for our mothers' tastes... and i drew, painted and embroidered a picture of a giraffe for him when he left our school, my mother cried because I'd given such a beautiful thing away. The next year, it appeared in the national portrait gallery under his daughter's name. cunt.

      Re: regret. Falling in love so fast. wearing my heart on my sleeve so adamently. Not knowing I was pregnant. Starting smoking. river wading. lying to my mother about when i lost my virginity. never reporting the guy who raped me.

      Re: choice. Puffy. Gross I know.

      Re: scorcese. Kill Bill I. I hate to love it, but I really do.

      Re: existentialist query. TO FUCK, EAT, SLEEP, FUCK MORE AND DIE.