As I sit, too late for the witching hour to strike her cruel strike upon my sacred, supple, sensual flesh, for I am too awake, alive, alert and vitally vital for the sweet, deadly and poisonous Loretta to touch, taste, terrify, tantalise and traumatise me. Not tonight, for tonight of all nights, I am entirely myself, thanks to the kind, sweet and caressing ears of those I love, adore, appreciate, worship, even...
For, Loretta, though she is a beautiful, brazen and brilliant creatute of this undying night of nights eternal, for now, at least, she is no thing, no one, no body, no more. These kind little yellow pills of Valium's sweet loving love and gift of grace and eternal beauty have ridded me of her. At last, she has been evicted from my soul, though this is perhaps only a temporary, fleeting, fluttering and transiently transient gift of precious, treasureable and valued gratitude and kindness...
I sit here, listening to the beautiful words the sweet, soul-consuming Yannis sings to me, alone, in the night to end all un-nightly nights, I sit.
I sit, with the sole purpose of my soulful soul of eternal, undying souls, to untangle my life from its surreptitious lies, its salacious untruths, and its seductive, sensual and soulful dishonesties. I sit here, all alone ever more and ever again. I sit, with the sole aim to untangle the tangling tangles of a tangled, tangling tangle. This endeavour, attempt, action and aim is intended to be achieved for the sole purpose of writing these words, learning these lessons, sharing the secrets, telling these stories and writing these words of nothing, bitter sweet, as ever, ever more.
So, as I sit, here, alone, I am untangling the tangles of a tangled tangle of cheap, mass produced white coated wires, courtesy of Apple Inc. I untangle these tangles to capture the secret meaningless meanings of meaningful sounds, noises, beats, pulses and twangs of Foals' Total Life Forever. This is because I do not wish to share and offer and give away these beautiful beats and pulses and bangs and beating batterings of Yannis' bloodied vocals. I do not wish to share anything but my own words, sounds, beats, pulses, bangs and bloodied beating noiseless words with anyone but myself, ridded at last of the cruel, cold and careless Loretta. For Loretta is the beast, the creature of the night, the evil imaginings, the bitch, the cunt, the witch and the cursed being who rests, or rested, within my mind of mindful minds, she held my thoughts, my ideas, my dreams, aspirations, imaginings, meanings, beauties, tears, pains, sorrows, sufferings and words within her passive palm of pure pain. She raped, pillaged, ravaged, rampaged and tortured me, for countless nights, seemingly unending nights of sheer, sweet, translucent darkness - she stole, robbed and thieved my words and meaning and love and lyrics and poems and thoughts from me, with the sole, cruel and unkind evil aim of bleeding my soul's soul onto a page that was not hers to mark. She scarred my blank books, my naked parchment with my pain, suffering, sadness, sorrow and grief, she scrawled the bloodied soul and the shards of my irreparably broken heart of hearty hearts onto a page that was not hers to write upon. She stole me, my soul, spirit, mind and pulsing brain's meaning and placed, positioned, and put them into books that were not hers to attain, achieve, attract and damage. She put words that were not hers to put onto the bare parchment trapped within the cage of my insanity, she put them there, with the sole aim, purpose, ambition and aspiration to hurt the girl I was never supposed, designed, produced, intended and destined to be. She is my massacring murderer, she is my rapist, my captor, my kidnapper, my torturer, my temptress, my seductress and my empress. But for now, at least, she is no more. She no longer resides, exists, lives and breathes within my broken, bruised and battered mind. Though, of course, I fear that she shall return with the sole aim and intention of reenacting the repulsive, repugnant and ravishing, rampaging revenge that she desires more than anything else.
Some day, Loretta will kill me. She will murder, massacre and mass-destruct all that I am. I fear this more than anything else. Each word she utters, mutters, splutters and expresses in the projection to end all projection is my eternal, endless, immortal and undying suicide note.
Hold my hand, hold my heart, hold my head, hold my hallucinations, hold my heat, hold my hypnosis, and please, I beg you, hold my hurt so that perhaps, just perhaps, she may not be able to return...
For, Loretta, though she is a beautiful, brazen and brilliant creatute of this undying night of nights eternal, for now, at least, she is no thing, no one, no body, no more. These kind little yellow pills of Valium's sweet loving love and gift of grace and eternal beauty have ridded me of her. At last, she has been evicted from my soul, though this is perhaps only a temporary, fleeting, fluttering and transiently transient gift of precious, treasureable and valued gratitude and kindness...
I sit here, listening to the beautiful words the sweet, soul-consuming Yannis sings to me, alone, in the night to end all un-nightly nights, I sit.
I sit, with the sole purpose of my soulful soul of eternal, undying souls, to untangle my life from its surreptitious lies, its salacious untruths, and its seductive, sensual and soulful dishonesties. I sit here, all alone ever more and ever again. I sit, with the sole aim to untangle the tangling tangles of a tangled, tangling tangle. This endeavour, attempt, action and aim is intended to be achieved for the sole purpose of writing these words, learning these lessons, sharing the secrets, telling these stories and writing these words of nothing, bitter sweet, as ever, ever more.
So, as I sit, here, alone, I am untangling the tangles of a tangled tangle of cheap, mass produced white coated wires, courtesy of Apple Inc. I untangle these tangles to capture the secret meaningless meanings of meaningful sounds, noises, beats, pulses and twangs of Foals' Total Life Forever. This is because I do not wish to share and offer and give away these beautiful beats and pulses and bangs and beating batterings of Yannis' bloodied vocals. I do not wish to share anything but my own words, sounds, beats, pulses, bangs and bloodied beating noiseless words with anyone but myself, ridded at last of the cruel, cold and careless Loretta. For Loretta is the beast, the creature of the night, the evil imaginings, the bitch, the cunt, the witch and the cursed being who rests, or rested, within my mind of mindful minds, she held my thoughts, my ideas, my dreams, aspirations, imaginings, meanings, beauties, tears, pains, sorrows, sufferings and words within her passive palm of pure pain. She raped, pillaged, ravaged, rampaged and tortured me, for countless nights, seemingly unending nights of sheer, sweet, translucent darkness - she stole, robbed and thieved my words and meaning and love and lyrics and poems and thoughts from me, with the sole, cruel and unkind evil aim of bleeding my soul's soul onto a page that was not hers to mark. She scarred my blank books, my naked parchment with my pain, suffering, sadness, sorrow and grief, she scrawled the bloodied soul and the shards of my irreparably broken heart of hearty hearts onto a page that was not hers to write upon. She stole me, my soul, spirit, mind and pulsing brain's meaning and placed, positioned, and put them into books that were not hers to attain, achieve, attract and damage. She put words that were not hers to put onto the bare parchment trapped within the cage of my insanity, she put them there, with the sole aim, purpose, ambition and aspiration to hurt the girl I was never supposed, designed, produced, intended and destined to be. She is my massacring murderer, she is my rapist, my captor, my kidnapper, my torturer, my temptress, my seductress and my empress. But for now, at least, she is no more. She no longer resides, exists, lives and breathes within my broken, bruised and battered mind. Though, of course, I fear that she shall return with the sole aim and intention of reenacting the repulsive, repugnant and ravishing, rampaging revenge that she desires more than anything else.
Some day, Loretta will kill me. She will murder, massacre and mass-destruct all that I am. I fear this more than anything else. Each word she utters, mutters, splutters and expresses in the projection to end all projection is my eternal, endless, immortal and undying suicide note.
Hold my hand, hold my heart, hold my head, hold my hallucinations, hold my heat, hold my hypnosis, and please, I beg you, hold my hurt so that perhaps, just perhaps, she may not be able to return...
