Post #5 - Life Essential, Number One

This stuff is bloody amazing. Buy it. In bulk. Glug in, neck it, drink it, guzzle it. It's brilliant - not only for your insides, but your skin, your nails, hair, breath, digestion. It's brilliant. 

Post #2 - A List Of Essential Criteria In A Prospective Male Specimen.

1.       Must NOT be a fan of Lee Evans.

2.      Must be taller than the Maid in question, even in heels. Also, must not have a BMI that’s less than the Maid in question. 

3.   Must wear good footwear (and socks). 

4.       Must be passionate about a genre (or several) of music, not just heavy metal or reggae. 

5.       Must be confident, relaxed and un-pretentious, all in one go. 

6.      Must be funny but not a comedian. 

7.       Must prefer cats to dogs. 

8.       Must have clean hair at all times. 

9.       Must be charitable, patient and kind. 

10.   Must be able to appreciate the Wire and do a really good impression of Bunk. 

11.   Must have a clean foreskin at all times (no one wants to suck on a BabyBellend). 

12.   Must not have a serious drug addiction or alcohol dependency. 

13.   Must have a source of income that is not directly reliant upon the government. 

14.   Must not have multiple personality disorder. 

15.   Must have more interesting hobbies on their CV than football and badminton on a regular basis. 

16.   Under all circumstances, must NEVER, EVER, wear a fleece, bootcut jeans or bowling shoes – even ironically. 

17.   Must not be more sensitive than the Maid in question. 

18.   Must be able to cook, and eat meat (no meat without meat, honey). 

19.   Must be cautious, yet confident, when entering the anus. 

20.   Must have the potential to grow and retain facial hair, and possess an adequate pubic bush.