Legacies

I am so excited about this, words cannot even express.

Eyerapists in the smoking area

Have you yet been molested by the eyes of a thousand men?
Try having my job. Try retaining a smile as your body is undressed to its most tender and sensitive. Try developing a furious sense of shyness when you have to go outside to clear tables amongst the ashtrays and cigar smoke clouds.
It's not all that great being visually assaulted by every man who comes into your coffeee store to purchase a "caramahllahhtehinapahpurrhcuup". As you sit outside with your filthy cigarette, your festering packs of bensons&hedges, your over priced lighters and your greased up moustache. This blonde girl, this barista and natural smiler, this one, right here - yeah, baby, you see me? I don't feel comfortable being asked to fuck you every time I exit my workplace to take away the mess you don't pay enough to leave. This girl doesn't regain a spring in her step as you turn her being into a piece of cheap meat.
So fellahs, please, don't bother me with your boredom today. Why not hit up our rival down the hill instead, and leave my arse far enough out of your makeshift, liveaction, full rehearsed wank bank for today? Try me next week, i'll wear a thong and an extra short skirt, specially for the filthy occassion.
Yeah?
Wink wink.
Nudge nudge...

Hubbyhubs.

So baby, what's the date? I got the dress picked out, church or office?

I'm a Z-O-M-B-I-E

Open letter to gorgeous charismatic Hollywood heart throb, Ryan Gosling:

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPRIDDYPRIDDYPLEASE MARRY ME?
I'd be such a good house wife. Promise.

Also, I want our first kiss as a married couple to replicate the one you shared with Carrie Mulligan in Drive. Okay honey? Call me baby boy...

Too fucking cool.

Tearin'loveapart

Is it bad that I kinda fancy the Xfactor's Craig Colton? Dear me. I should be ashamed of myself. Just can't control myself around them Northern lads.

Wink wink, nudge nudge...

Youputthiskidbehindawheel,there'snothinghecan'tdo.

Too.
Fucking.
Beautiful.

Bratty Hatty

Ryan gosling is a modern day adonis if i ever saw one,made by greek angel cherubs and placed on earth amongst a bed of roses


too right...

LitBitch, part five

These are the days after. Everything is now measured by after.

Don Delillo, Falling Man

LitBitch, part four

He wanted to fuck her loudly on a hard bed with the rain beating against the windows.

Don Delillo, Mao II

Peasinthepod. Shit

Too dirty for any pre-watershed shit.

Baby Boy, number one (and only)

Post #2 - A List Of Essential Criteria In A Prospective Male Specimen.

1.       Must NOT be a fan of Lee Evans.

2.      Must be taller than the Maid in question, even in heels. Also, must not have a BMI that’s less than the Maid in question. 

3.   Must wear good footwear (and socks). 

4.       Must be passionate about a genre (or several) of music, not just heavy metal or reggae. 

5.       Must be confident, relaxed and un-pretentious, all in one go. 

6.      Must be funny but not a comedian. 

7.       Must prefer cats to dogs. 

8.       Must have clean hair at all times. 

9.       Must be charitable, patient and kind. 

10.   Must be able to appreciate the Wire and do a really good impression of Bunk. 

11.   Must have a clean foreskin at all times (no one wants to suck on a BabyBellend). 

12.   Must not have a serious drug addiction or alcohol dependency. 

13.   Must have a source of income that is not directly reliant upon the government. 

14.   Must not have multiple personality disorder. 

15.   Must have more interesting hobbies on their CV than football and badminton on a regular basis. 

16.   Under all circumstances, must NEVER, EVER, wear a fleece, bootcut jeans or bowling shoes – even ironically. 

17.   Must not be more sensitive than the Maid in question. 

18.   Must be able to cook, and eat meat (no meat without meat, honey). 

19.   Must be cautious, yet confident, when entering the anus. 

20.   Must have the potential to grow and retain facial hair, and possess an adequate pubic bush.